I Cant Give Her What She Needs…

For the first four years of my daughter's illness, I was really trying to reconcile this pain around not being able to give my youngest child the the childhood that I wanted her to have.

I would crawl in bed at night with this tightness in my chest over the feeling that I couldn’t give her the childhood I felt she needed. It was a deep grief and loss over that.

One of the things that our counselor told us at the very beginning of our oldest daughter's diagnosis was this: “The best thing that you can do with her is give her time and space to process her emotions with you. And that might be through play. You cannot take this suffering from her- these are the cards she has been dealt. But what determines whether or not this becomes trauma is the level of support she has to work through it.”

Us as her parents being present with our youngest was going to be more effective than therapy That meant that I then had to create space in other areas of my life so that I had the emotional capacity to meet her where she was at. For a season, that meant leaning on respite services who sent a caregiver to our house to be with Alexis so I had the emotional capacity to be present with Olivia.

I Couldn’t Give Her The Life I Wanted Her To Have, AND It Could Still Be Good

It took me a good 4 years to where I could accept that I was not able to give her the childhood that I really wanted her to have, And in spite of that, it could still be good. There's not really a whole lot of pain around that particular area anymore. However, that does mean that we are constantly reassessing in every new season or new challenge:

What does support look like?

What does care look like?

If our core values are feeling safe and connected and loved, then in every season that's going to look a little bit different for our family. As our youngest daughter gets older, we're constantly reevaluating and reassessing what her needs are now.

Olivia was between the ages of three and eight during the worst part of her sister's illness so developmentally, I'm sure there are going to be things that come up that we need to address. But because we've established an environment where it's okay to say how we feel, it's okay to share frustrations. It's okay to share hurts. It's okay to process emotions, and we don't shut down emotions. I'm not as worried about what her future is going to look like now, because we've already established that foundation even in crisis mode.

I would really love to hear from you. If you have a child with special needs, that has siblings, what is your biggest challenge in this area? What is your biggest frustration in this area? Are you struggling with hopelessness?

If you're struggling with any of these things, I want you to go ahead and click the link the private broadcast channel on Instagram. Hop in there and share something that you're struggling with, an area that you are wanting some support, an area that you feel like you're doing really well, some ideas that you have for other special needs parents that might also be in the same boat. I would love to hear from you.

If you want to hear more about our journey through the trenches of special needs parenting, then I want to invite you to grab my book that was just released on Amazon, Wrapped in Kindness.

This book is really my heart through the journey of special needs parenting, but so much more than that. It's going to help you to grab on to Jesus. It's going to help you to grab on to your faith. It's going to help you to anchor yourself in the storm, Through practical applications, activations, and encouragement, most of all for your journey.